Practice Rp

[secretstarfire]

Please tell me what you think I can improve on, I will keep modifying until it's perfect and really long lol.I am not the best rper and that is why I am doing this.

Starting.....NOW

Wysteria was trotting along the soft grass in a wide valley. She didn't know where she was, but it sure was beautiful. The sun was setting, and it was beginning to become dark. Wysteria slowed to a stop. She stretches out her long arabian neck, trying to get a closer view of what was ahead. She never had the best night vision. Wysteria decided to rest here. She was exhausted, so she lay down in the dry grass. This really isn't the best idea. She thought. Any predator would be able to see me here. Wysteria had nowhere else to go. She sighed deeply, and closed her eyes, hoping for sleep.



SECOND POST PLEASE JUDGE THIS ONE TOO

Wysteria stood in the mud, still as a stone. The clouds above her showed no sign of sun, they were gloomy and nearly pitch jet black. The mud gushed around her split hooves. She was maybe in the worse condition possible. Her beautiful dapple grey coat was caked in mud, her mane was hopelessly tangled, and her tail was out of the question. Wysteria was much to tired to move. Exhaustion seemed to cling to her legs, holding them back. She didn't want to move, but she had to. Her eyes felt heavy, and her legs felt frozen and numb under the hardened mud. All she wanted was to keep moving and find her family, but they were far away by now. She inhaled the dry air into her lungs, causing her to cough hoarsely. It was one of those dry in the air, soggy on the ground, freezing on the fur, and no sun days. And she didn't like it. Wysteria was all but ready for one of those days, weeks actually, this had been going on for weeks. It didn't feel like any of the normal seasons. Too wet and foggy for fall or winter and too freezing for spring or summer. Wysteria wasn't sure if she would ever find her family. Defeat spread through her heart like a contagious disease.

[Sammy]

You're actually off to a good start, secretstarfire.

You've already begun to incorporate description into what's around the character. But there's always room for improvement. And it's amazingly simple. All you have to do is use your imagination and get right into your character.

Your character is, after all, a breathing creature. He or she feels, thinks, muses, and uses senses both consciously and unconsciously. Rely on this when she or he is interacting with the world around them, or other characters. Don't be afraid to stretch it out to the smallest, oddest details. It's what we do, after all - notice the smaller things.

The same goes for thought patterns. So long as they're realistic, go mental with the musings of your character. Put their personality into it. Is the character intelligent/ditzy/silly/naieve/thoughtful/melancholic/optimistic in nature? How does that influence how they think and see things?

As for how to better your grammar and stuff...well, you need to settle on a view to go on in your post. Are you going with past tense, present tense and so on? Also, paragraphs. A paragraph is about three to four lines, or when the character starts thinking about something else, or see's something else, or talks to another.

Also, as a warning. Don't constantly go on about the character if he or she is beautiful or not. This can annoy the hell out of people, and it generally makes the character a Mary Sue. You don't seem to be doing this though, from what I can see, so it's alright. Just a heads up.

Hope this helps.

[secretstarfire]

modified, more advice plz